my business card

My rabbi suggests that we each find a verse of scripture that we'd put on our business card. This is the story of mine, from Genesis 25:22:

When Rebecca is pregnant with Jacob and Esau, the twins struggle inside her. Having waited so long to begin her family, you can imagine her frustration at this difficult pregnancy. In pain, she cries out, "'If so, why do I exist?' She went to ask God."

This verse, to me, is the genesis of all theology. It begins with experience. Like Rebecca, we are aware of discomfort, pain or suffering. It may be our own, a friend's, or something we read in the paper. We notice the "if so" of life - the way things are. Things feel just a little out of whack, a bit off from what we want or expect.

And we are left with a difficult question, why? "Why do I exist?" Why can't I have what I want and be the person I want to be? Why do good people suffer? Why is the world made this way and not some other way? You might think, couldn't things be different? Shouldn't they? Like Rebecca, you begin to doubt your own worth. You begin to question why you're here in the first place.

Then comes the awesome moment, "She went to ask God." That's theology. We try to make sense of the "If so, why do I exist?" by coming closer to God. We take all that we've learned, all that we've struggled with, and form it into our relationship with God. Why did God make me this way? What sort of God would make a world like this? Why did God create a universe this way and not another way? You start to draw your picture of God, the way that you know God.

"'If so, why do I exist?' She went to ask God."

Learn from the if so. Wonder about the why do I exist? Try to understand and draw close in the She went to ask God. But you're not done. You see the world more clearly now - you've begun to think about its problems. You've even tried to figure out how God relates to it all. You may never have a clear handle on God, however. In fact, you won't.

You have started to see the world, and you can't turn away. Later in the story, as Rebecca prepares Jacob to trick his father for a blessing, Jacob worries about the consequences. His mother says, "I'll take your curse on me." Now, I'm not saying to go out and trick a spouse or loved one, but you will have to take on the curses of the world. In trying to understand God, you will see the world's pain. It is now yours.