prayer

At a meeting last week, seminary students were asked to spend five minutes talking with God. Although the timing was right, I did not say the standard evening prayer-service in Hebrew. Instead, I spent five minutes telling God how I was doing in my own words, thanking God for good things in my life, and asking God to look over my family, my friends and me. It felt soothing and I saw that my life was in a good place. After my chat with God, I had a chance to talk with colleagues about their experiences during the five minutes. I was a little confused that the traditional Jewish mode of prayer - a fixed liturgy - hadn't appealed to me at that moment, and I didn't know why.

Then, a friend emailed a few of us to ask about "the power of our prayers to help out those who are sick." That of course leads to the question: Why do we pray? I took a long time thinking about it because I don't have a clear answer. I don't want God to answer my prayers. That is, I don't like to leave the door open for miracles, because without regular physics, the universe would show too much favoritism. I don't believe that God intervenes directly in our lives. For, if God can deliver a son, reveal the Qur'an, or split the Reed Sea, why doesn't God cure a friend's cancer or stop genocide in Darfur?

So, I don't pray because I think that God will step in and change things in response to my prayers. As much as I would like God to do things for me, I can't ask for it because it would cause theological break-downs. In part, I pray because it helps me feel close to God. I feel peaceful and know that God is with me in struggles and celebrations. Even the times when I pray and I don't feel close, I still know that I'm building a relationship with God, because it's important to spend time with someone even when there's nothing going on or not much to say.

It's also important to have a spiritual practice. Praying for me is a part of spiritual gym. Think about your exercise program: yoga, soccer, frisbee, weight-lifting. You don't feel great everytime you go. Sometimes, you feel flat. Other times, you might start out for a run without any heart in it, but it might become a great run. And occassionally, you come home feeling better than you could ever have imagined. You just have a great game.

Prayer and religious practice are like that. Traditional liturgy is a way to get regular exercise, and sometimes I need to cross-train in other ways: silence, meditation, direct address to God. And I have to keep going through a lot of down times in order to get to the peak experiences. So partly I pray to keep my soul in shape. I pray to stay connected with God. I pray to get to those spiritual highs. Also, I pray because it keeps me aware, gentle and focussed. If there's a personal problem I'm working on, I might pray to have the courage, determination and patience to keep at it. Prayer keeps me in the game.